The House of Mourning

(I decided to share this particular post
with the IAHE blog, too, this week.)


"It is better to go to a house of mourning

Than to go to a house of feasting,

 Because that [death] is the end of every man,

And the living takes it to heart."

Ecclesiastes 7:2

This week my husband went literally to a house of mourning, and though our schedule did not permit me to be there with him physically, I, too, was there in my heart.  He watched them bury his forty-nine-year-old cousin--a husband and father of three.  The new year had begun with a new job, but after only a week at the new job, the man entered the hospital, and by the end of ten weeks, after two liver transplants, he departed this earth.  That was it.  His life is finished.

The living takes it to heart.

What if that were I?  What if that were you?  What would be left unfinished?  When we breathe our last breaths, would there be something we'd regret not doing?

The living takes it to heart.

I'm sure he never intended to die at forty-nine.  We all tend to think we've got plenty of time.  The day before the house of mourning, we had 'feasted' with my father-in-law, who was celebrating his eightieth birthday, and who had just come victoriously through heart surgery.  When the future stretches out before us like a road we can't see the end of, we can be lulled into a false sense of eternal life on this earth.  With the end not clearly visible on our horizon, we are tempted to let go of the urgency of living intentionally.  

Living as if we've got all the time in the world, our theoretical priorities of ideals don't translate into actual priorities of time.  The pressing, yet often not so significant, becomes our master instead.  Unintentionally, we give up living intentionally. 

. . .But the living takes it to heart. . .

Our children will not be young forever.

Neither will any of us live forever, on this earth.

What must change, so that we live intentionally, and with no regrets?

. . . ONE YEAR LATER . . . The View From The Top

It’s been one year.  One year since the day our son, Ben, went running at top speed across wet grass after a runaway kite and slipped and broke his hip.  Ever the optimist, his verbal reaction in the emergency room, to the news that he would be having surgery to repair the break, was, “It’s hard to keep a cheerful personality down for long.”  Cheerful he was on the outside, but it still wasn’t easy.

Yes, thirteen years old, and broke his hip.  Who does that?  I’ll tell you who—the one for whom God had an out of the ordinary plan to refine his character.  Some lessons were learned right away.  He wrote about eight pages in the first six weeks about what the Lord was teaching him, and more in the next few weeks.  I shared some of his insights earlier on this blog.  However, the perspective that a year brings has highlighted even more character changes we’d have never foreseen or even guessed in a million years.

Earlier this week, we saw Ben’s orthopedic surgeon on the one-year anniversary of his fall.  She was very impressed with the healing.  In the new x-rays, you can’t even see where the break in the bone was, except, of course, for the three telltale screws, which bear testimony to something out of the ordinary.  Humanly speaking, there had been a moderate risk of part of the bone dying and crumbling, requiring a hip replacement.  We are so grateful for the Lord’s gift of adequate blood supply to the bone, keeping it alive.  Ben thanked the surgeon for her good work, but she said that his body did the healing, to which Ben responded that it was actually the Lord who did that.

After we got out to the car to return home, Ben remarked that, if he had it to do over, he wouldn’t have it any other way.  His sister’s reaction to that was that she wouldn’t go chasing the kite.  But Ben was serious.  We asked him to elaborate. . .

“Can this really be happening?” I thought, when I heard the news at the hospital.  “Why me?  Why Now?  Why did this have to happen?”  Well, some might call it being unlucky, but I call it Providence.  God decided that I should break my leg, go to the hospital, and spend the next several months getting back on my feet.  But it wasn’t just some random decision on God’s part.  He says in His word that He knows the plans He has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us.  I believe that God used this time to really grow me, and teach me.

The first thing God taught me is that He always has a reason for our difficulties.  So, back to my original question, “Why did this have to happen?”  Well, I believe that God brings into His children’s lives these little things called trials.  Now the word “trial” has a natural negative connotation it, but that really shouldn’t be.  We think of trials as very hard, difficult times in our lives, something like climbing a huge mountain that never seems to end.  But we learn through God’s word that God thinks of trials as a way to grow us and show us new things, something like the amazing, beautiful view off the top of that mountain.  To sum that up, man mostly thinks of trials in terms of the climb and difficulty, or the view from the bottom, but God sees trials, not only as the climb, but also as a way to grow us and show us new things.  In other words, God views our mountainous trials from the top, seeing both our climb and the view.  He always has a reason for our mountains that is for our good.

            Something else that God taught me is that He is faithful.  You probably can’t imagine the size of the inward gulp that I had when we heard the results of the x-rays. A broken leg—that meant surgery.  Now I don’t know about you, but I think most people my age aren’t in the business of having surgery.  I’m not!  So when 8 o’clock rolled around the next morning (the scheduled time for surgery), I was quite nervous.  But after we had prayed, and gone down several floors, and into the surgery area, I had a lack of fear that I can’t explain, other than it being God’s peace.  I woke up after surgery and all was just fine. God is faithful.  This really had an impact on me, because if God can get me through the most scary and difficult time in my life so far, then, of course, He can get me through my math lesson!  God is faithful.

            Lastly, God taught me something regarding work.  Long difficult math problems, working outside pulling weeds, and doing chores were not something I used to enjoy at all.  And now I will use my two favorite words…but God changed me while I was sitting down!  Not being able to do so much for so long made me want to be able to do work.  I mentioned earlier the second thing God taught me, and it applies to this, too.  If God can get me through my experiences at the hospital, then God can certainly get me though my everyday life!   God has changed me.  Now I like work, I know that it is a good thing that God has given us to do, which honors Him and parents, and I know that God can get me through anything (and that includes every kind of work under the sun).

            Someone could say that I’ve had a very unlucky year full of difficult times and climbs, but I say it has been a wonderful time of refining by God.  Looking back on this year, I can see both the climb and the outcome, and I know that it was worth it.  If I had this year to do over again, I wouldn’t have it any other way!   ~Ben

"Consider it all joy, my brethren,

when you encounter various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

And let endurance have its perfect result,

that you may be perfect and complete,

lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

Note from Carol:  By the way, if you haven't heard the song God gave me to write and share with our family only about 36 hours before this storm in Ben's life, you can listen here.  I want you to see what God did!

The Ticket Out Of Your Comfort Zone

For four days last week, two of my children and I were immersed in the world of homeschool speech and debate.  My daughter commented that one of the things that inspired her was that, regardless of level of polish, each and every one of the roughly 250 students who attended this national open tournament was not afraid to stand up and speak in front of others.  Considering that statistics say ninety-five percent of adults wouldn't take the podium if offered it, this was an amazing group of young people.  I sat back in awe as I marveled at their poise and professionalism, the likes of which many people twice their age are still lacking.  Some of them conducted themselves more like mastered-degreed executives than junior high and high school students.

How in the world did they come to be this way?  There may be a rare few who were born with a desire to speak.  Most of the others, though, came to this point, I believe, as a result of essential encouragement.  Public speaking hasn't always been within their comfort zones.

My daughter's story goes like this.  Back in 2006, I read about an oratory contest sponsored by the Optimist Club.  When I mentioned it to Megan, she promptly responded that there was no way she could write a speech that long (four to five minutes).  She surprised herself when her first draft was at least three times too long.  When she got it cut down to appropriate length, she still wasn't sure, though, that she could get up to deliver it--live and memorized.

But my philosophy on these things has always been that the only thing you can know for sure is that you never know until you try.   Well, she made it--through three levels of competition before getting beat. But never-mind winning or losing.  She was hooked on public speaking. When she had a message that came from her heart, she found she could face her fears.

The thing was, though, that she might never have done it at all without me essentially insisting she give it one try.  I never insisted that she do more than that.  I let her know I believed she could do it, even if she didn't believe it yet herself.  I knew that partly because my own mom had done the same for me.  Thank you, Mom!

The encouragement to try something new is truly essential for our children.  Too often their limited perspective prevents them from envisioning themselves doing--at all--a particular thing that lies outside their comfort zones, or it at least prevents them from envisioning success at it.  They might never discover a real passion for something without that essential encouragement to give something new a try, and without someone to encourage them in it.

The ticket out of our comfort zones often starts with a simple, little push and a healthy dose of encouragement.  And if that something new is clearly in line with the Lord's calling for His ambassadors, we can also be sure of His presence and enabling power.

Besides that, if all we undertake is for His glory anyway, then the pressure to personally succeed, by the culture's standard, is completely lifted off our shoulders.  It's not just about winning or losing.  The outcome is in the Lord's hands.  We just need to be willing.  "Lord, we want to honor You above all in this.  Teach us what You want us to learn in it, and make us a blessing to others through it."  That's been our approach to speech and debate.

For your family, it may not speech or debate, but something else.  I happen to believe that speaking skills are essential tools in the leader's toolbox, so I admit I am rather partial to speech activities, but in whatever new thing we or our children may be called to try, we can rest knowing that the ultimate outcome is in God's hands.  Our God, who does infinitely beyond what we could ever ask or think, just may have plans to use us for His glory in an area that we could never have imagined.  With that perspective, taking a step outside our comfort zones to try something new, for the sake of becoming a better equipped ambassador--or in some other way for the Kingdom of God, is not only the obvious path to choose, but it's really not so risky after all.

"Now to Him who is able to do

far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,

according to the power that works within us,

to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus

to all generations forever and ever.

Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21

The Invisible Work

(If you're reading the IAHE's blog, this won't be new, 

but in case you missed it there, I'll share it here, too.) 

"For I am confident of this very thing, 

that He who began a good work in you

will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

October 31, 1992, we moved into our first house.  The frost had already come, and the previous owner had graciously cleaned up the then essentially empty flower beds.  Before long, winter came and blanketed it all in snow.

Then one day it happened.  Spring weather came, and all over the landscape beds, flowers and plants of all kinds started popping up everywhere.  I couldn't understand it.  I had planted nothing.  Where was all this coming from?

Such was my introduction to perennial gardening.  What had looked like just a barren piece of ground virtually came alive when the time was right.  I was in awe.  Each day I just had to go out and inspect things to see what the next surprise would be.  I began pouring over books, trying to identify what was growing in my yard.  I was hooked.  And I would never be the same.

Twenty years later, the arrival of the perennial spring growing things still calls me to wonder and awe before the Creator who engineered it all.  And each spring I am reminded of a wonderfully reassuring truth.  Even though there are times when things may look like nothing good is happening on the surface, like all is dead, like no progress is being made, like there isn't any hope anymore, what we see is not all there is.  God is ever and always at work, behind the scenes, in ways we could never even imagine, carefully orchestrating His perfect plan.  Then, when the time is right, He shows us what He's been working on.

Maybe there is a situation in your home or your school circumstances that you have begun to despair about.  Perhaps it seems things have come to a standstill where you really need to see some progress.  Is there something you are tempted to lose hope about?

"I would have despaired

unless I had believed I would see

the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

Be strong and let your heart take courage;

Yes, wait for the LORD."

Psalm 27:14-15

Our gracious God is reminding us this season that He is at work even when it may look to us like nothing is happening.  When you see these spring growing things, remember that He is at work in your very own household as well.  What seems to us to be a permanent plateau in a child's learning or character development may actually be the time of God's invisible work.

When the time is right, we'll get to see what He's been working on. Until then,

"Let us not lose heart in doing good,

for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." 

Galatians 6:9