The Standard Is Not Mashed Potatoes

(Part 6 of the Beyond Trophies Series)

Okay, I’m not wearing rose-colored glasses.  I know that less than exemplary behavior sometimes wins debate rounds.  Rudeness pops up in cross-examination or in low-blow insults.  Evidence and support get twisted.  Tag lines and impacts don’t match evidence.  Irrelevant arguments get repeated incessantly.  Unsubstantiated claims are made.  Some debaters intentionally lie.  Some bank robbers never get caught either.  

Today I’m going to set before you two challenges in the context of losing to debating that is less than honorable.

CHALLENGE ONE—Absolutely resist the temptation to try winning by less than honorable behavior.  Why?  Here are two good reasons.

REASON ONE—Trading your integrity for winning a ballot is way too high a price.  

Pragmatism
There is a word for this kind of trade. It’s called pragmatism, and it basically means doing whatever it takes to get the IMMEDIATE result you want, regardless of what is right.  “Immediate” is the key word here because the fact of the matter is that the immediate result obtained by pragmatism does not ultimately lead to a good or cool place.  You simply can’t get there with pragmatism.  The immediate result obtained by pragmatism isn’t even on the road to real success.  It’s a hoax, a dead end joke, and the joke is on you if you try it.  You just end up looking really foolish.

That's not all

But, oh, if only looking foolish were all there were to it; alas, looking foolish is only the start of it.  Closely on the heels of looking foolish comes loss of respect and the loss of integrity, both of which are necessary prerequisites for true success.  Though I pray it’s not the case, if you listen carefully in the hallways of the next tournament, you will probably hear news of those who foolishly chose this trade.  They’ve lost respect and their integrity, not only among their peers, but among judges, too, who might have considered hiring them, voting for them, or agreeing to be their in-laws someday.  The wise will consider the stakes.

Debate IS the real world

Don’t be naïve; what happens in a debate round never stays in a debate round!  Debate is not somehow magically separated from the world of reality.  It IS reality when it comes to your character, your reputation, and your integrity; your conduct in the world of debate will affect the rest of your life.

At every debate tournament, people make decisions about whom they would never hire, never work for, never vote for, never write a positive reference for, or never marry—all based on conduct in a debate round.  Far better to lose a ballot than lose your integrity, because, realistically, while you could easily go win the next round, integrity can never so easily be won back.  You need to know that lasting influence works two ways.

Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is to be more desired than great riches.”  

On the other hand, “The name of the wicked will rot.” (Proverbs 10:7)

Reason Two—Though it may look like a shortcut to success, trading your integrity for a winning ballot is actually a dead end because the standard is not mashed potatoes. 

Mashed Potatoes

Pragmatism is a really dangerous game to play, because it ultimately blurs the lines of what is right and true.  People who adopt a pragmatic approach to life see truth and right somewhat like a mushy glob of mashed potatoes.  They assume they can push it around, and mold it into whatever shape works to serve their immediate purposes.  They assume that if they bump into a standard it will yield to their pressure, that the standards are always changing, always negotiable, and only suggestions anyway.  However, inconvenient as it is for them, the real truth about what is right is nothing like mashed potatoes.  It is fixed and immovable, and ramming it leads, at best, to a really bad headache.

The nitty gritty

At this point, let’s dispense with generalities and talk about the nitty gritty.  What exactly are some of those standards that define honorable and less than honorable conduct?  God’s Old Testament book of Proverbs is one of the most straightforward explanations available, spelling out thousands of examples of the nitty gritty aspects of life, with pointed and potentially painful practicality.

Proverbs 11:1-- “A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is His delight.”  What’s a false balance look like in the debate world?  The principle here is that deceptive twisting of facts to your own advantage invokes the Lord’s hatred and disgust.  On the other hand, He’s delighted when we represent the facts accurately.

Proverbs 11:2-- “When pride comes, then comes dishonor, but with the humble is wisdom.” 

Proverbs 11:3-- “The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the falseness of the treacherous will destroy them.”  If you say the other side is illogical, you better be prepared to explain how.

Proverbs 11:17-- “The merciful man does himself good, but the cruel man does himself harm.”  Sly, underhanded, or mean-spirited attacks on another person (rather than critiquing an argument) and rudeness or merciless grilling in cross-examination will only come back to haunt you.

Proverbs 6:16 spells out seven things God hates:  

            Haughty eyes

            A lying tongue

            Hands that shed innocent blood

            A heart that devises wicked plans

            Feet that run rapidly to evil

            A false witness who utters lies  (If you say the other side didn’t respond to an argument, it better be true.)

            One who spreads strife among brothers

In addition to the above recipe for success that includes honesty, humility, integrity, and mercy, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” (Proverbs 15:1)  And, “Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.”  (Proverbs 16:21b)

No effective shortcut

That fact is that there is no shortcut to success.  The truly successful pay close attention to God’s standard. 

"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, 

but you shall meditate on it day and night, 

so that you may be careful to do 

according to all that is written in it; 

for then you will make your way prosperous, 

and then you will have success.” 

 Joshua 1:8

Are you still wondering why it sometimes looks like less than honorable conduct wins the day?  The faith-testing fact is that sometimes negative consequences are delayed.  But you can be sure consequences are still coming because God is the judge of the finals of life, and His standard is—you probably guessed it—nothing like mashed potatoes!

CHALLENGE TWO—If you do end up losing to less than honorable conduct, trust that God is sovereign and that He knows what He’s doing with every single ballot—even if you can’t imagine what it is that He’s up to.  The key is understanding that at the end of the day, ballots must add up to His purposes.  This subject—WHAT BALLOTS MUST ADD UP TO—is so incredibly important that I’ll be devoting Parts 8 & 9 to that.

But before that, in Part 7, I’m dying to tell you the story of someone you may have heard of, who just may be one of the greatest communicators of all time.  I’ve nicknamed him “THE INVISIBLE MAN.”

Oh, No, Scissor Steps Steal the Show!

(Part 5 of the Beyond Trophies Series)

Physical blocking for a speech is a lot like selecting a tie.  The ideal tie perfectly complements your overall look, without attracting undue attention to itself.  On the other hand, the less than ideal tie is conspicuous, sometimes even obnoxiously distracting.  The most effective blocking is like that ideal tie, appropriately complementing and supporting your message without distracting from it in any way.

Simon says?
Unfortunately, “distracting-tie” type blocking sneaks into otherwise excellent speeches at times, and great speakers get upstaged by their own feet: a speaker pauses, drops eye contact with the audience, adopts a look of concentration, and telegraphs to the audience that he’s thinking, “Now I walk here,” as he awkwardly maneuvers from one invisible X on the floor to another.  Sometimes I get the idea that a speaker must be simultaneously playing a game of Simon Says and just heard someone say, “Simon says, ‘Stop talking and take one giant step to the left,’” or worse yet, “’Simon says, ‘Take three giant scissor steps to the right.’”

The point of movement is to enhance and reinforce your message; if your movement distracts your audience instead, they will miss part of your message.

No Distractions
Aim to make your steps so natural that your audience won’t even consciously realize you’ve moved to a different spot.  They will later be able to picture where you stood when you made a particular point, but you don’t really want them to remember how you got there.   In general, it looks most natural for you to turn your body in the direction you’re moving--as long as you keep your face turned toward your audience, maintain eye contact, and keep talking as you walk normally.

As a judge, I've noticed, ladies, that it’s nearly impossible for speakers to walk normally in heels that are too high.  You can solve this problem before it shows up on your ballot if you either practice walking in your shoes, or (and this option is probably more fun) use this as an excuse to go shoe shopping for lower heels.  Just remember that if your ankles or knees are wobbling, those stylish shoes will be stealing the show, and your audience will miss your message.  A 5th & Below ranking on a ballot that says, "Gotta love those shoes!" could make you feel even sillier than you might look earning it.

Overall, everyone, your blocking--ties and shoes, too---are not meant to steal the show, but instead to play supporting roles, so your message can take center stage, where it belongs.  

Next: What about when less than honorable debating wins the round?  Also coming up--quite possibly the most important thing I have to share--What Ballots Must Add Up To.

Above Reproach

(Part 4 of the Beyond Trophies Series)

Just for fun, Part 4 starts with a delivery tip before I tell you about two debate teams you may know.

Would you like to take your vocal expression to the next level of excellence?  Then seek to let your audience HEAR your FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.  No, that wasn’t a typo.  Seriously, think about using your voice in such a way that, if part of your audience couldn’t see you, you could let them know what facial expression you were wearing just by the sound of your voice.  Sounds funny, I know, but thinking about using your voice this way can work wonders.  Ask someone to listen to you with his eyes shut and let you know if you’re getting the hang of it.

Now, about a bigger vision for debate . . . Remember when I asked you to consider going after lasting influence—for the sake of God’s kingdom priorities— instead of going after temporary trophies?

In Ephesians 4:1-3, the Apostle Paul entreats his readers to walk in a manner worthy of their calling, with humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness, diligently preserving the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  What does that look like in a debate round?  I want to tell you about the lasting influence of two debate teams.

I heard about the conduct of one these teams in a rather unusual place—in an impromptu speech round.  The topic was meekness, which the speaker defined as power appropriately under control, and one of the examples he used was a debate team.  The speaker explained that, though this team was very good and could easily tangle with the best teams, when they debated a less experienced team they appropriately held back and didn’t run every argument in the book.  This team understood that there was no need to mercilessly crush another team, and exemplified power under control.  I’d seen the team he was describing, and I knew he was right.

Now, while there may be no mechanism for your league to publicly recognize honorable behavior, don’t ever forget that people are watching you, even when you don’t realize it.  The debaters mentioned in the impromptu were amazed when I told them what I had heard.  And always remember that God is judging, too.  In His eyes, the real winners are the ones who debate in a manner worthy of their calling.

The next team I want to tell you about is a team that my children debated more times in two years than any other team—and they beat my children every single time.  But you know what?  This team inspired my children’s genuine respect, and not plots of revenge.  Why?  Because this team was polite and gracious, they ran legitimate arguments, they didn’t accuse their opponents of not responding to arguments when they actually had, they performed no tricky evidence twisting, and they directed no sarcastic and insulting low blows to opposing teams.  It reminded me of what Paul speaks of in Philippians 2:14—proving to be “children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world...”

Both teams I told you about are no longer in the league, but their influence is still there.  And I guarantee you that others will remember your conduct long after they remember how you placed.

So here’s your challenge:  I challenge you to conduct yourself in such a way that your former opponents become your fans even after you beat them out of outrounds.  Think it’s impossible?  I’ve seen it happen . . . more than once!

Next time:  Scissor Steps Steal the Show!

A Bigger Vision

(Part 3 of the Beyond Trophies Series)

Before I share the students’ stories I promised, I’ve got to lay down some foundation stones.  

I’ve been asking you to examine the reasons you pursue excellence.   In Matthew 6, Jesus points out that if we are doing the right things just to be noticed and honored by other people, then that’s all the reward we’re ever going to get.  Frankly, if an award is all we're after, then our vision is far too nearsighted.

We need a bigger, and honestly, a nobler reason to do what we do.  The apostle Paul encouraged his friends in Colossae to work heartily, “as FOR THE LORD rather than for men.”  He reminded them that it was really the Lord they were serving.  Paul was right; if you belong to God, then seeking your own fame was never your assignment.  Seeking God’s fame is.  And this is where it can get really exciting.

Here’s why.  Peter and James both point out that “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”  (I Peter 5 and James 4)  And in II Chronicles 16:9, a prophet named Hanani explains something incredibly important to King Asa, “The eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.”  (Incidentally, the prophet goes on to explain to Asa that it had been a really foolish idea not to trust the Lord.)

But what has all this got to do with speech and debate, or the rest of life for that matter?  Well—are you willing to work for God’s fame and not your own?  Are you willing to be available to God and to trust that His power will accomplish His purposes through your life as you obey Him?  Will you make your heart completely His?

You need to know that if you’re in this life all for yourself, the Bible makes it pretty clear that you better not count on either His help or His reward.  On the other hand, if you are willing to make your heart completely His, then the Lord is ready to strongly support you, and the horizon of your adventure in the world of speech and debate (and the rest of life) is about to be greatly expanded!

Real Life

I’m going to tell you about two students who trusted the Lord with their speeches, who trusted that God was doing something far bigger than awards, but I need you to keep something in mind.  When we read the records of how God worked in people’s lives, whether in the Bible or somewhere else, the point of these accounts is not to put the people on a pedestal, but to point the spotlight on the faithful God they trusted.  Remember that these are just ordinary students who put their trust in The Extraordinary God.

The setting is NCFCA Nationals 2013, where a young lady was competing with a Persuasive speech about adoption.  She’d been praying all season that God would continue to use her speech for His purposes.  Turns out one of her judges had previously closed her heart to—and decided against—adoption, because of negative stories she had heard.   However, as she explained on her ballot—because of that speech, she was reconsidering her decision!

And in another competition room, same tournament . . . God was at work through another student.  When a young lady’s Open Interpretation speech got to finals, she was incredibly humbled and confessed that she felt so unworthy of being in finals.  But she and her mom believed that God must have a purpose for taking her speech to finals, and they prayed specifically that God would use her speech to touch someone’s heart and that He would bring the person to the round who really needed to hear it.  Guess what?  After the round, they met a woman in the restroom who told them how she had really needed to hear that speech—how it had shown her that, even in her own tough times, God was still showing her his mercy.

Those students will tell you that knowing that someone is going to think and live differently tomorrow because of what God gave you to share is worth far more than any trophy.

In the cases of these two students, God let them see a small glimpse of what He was doing through them, the ripple effect that extends far beyond the medals and trophies.  And while it’s true that we have no guarantee that we’ll get to see what He’s up to this side of heaven, He is still the same capable God and altogether worthy of our trust.  Will you trust Him?

Maybe you're thinking this sounds great for some speeches...but what about the world of debate?  Next time, real life examples of lasting influence for God’s priorities from the debate world.

Highly Irregular Meets Absolutely Amazing

To say that Jesus was impressed would be putting it mildly.  He said so—out loud. 

“I say to you, not even in Israel have I found such great faith."

 Luke 7:9

Don’t you wonder what made Him say that?

The Backdrop:  Luke 7:1-10.  Those ten verses are packed.  This quick link will take you straight to it.

Highly Irregular

This centurion is not your typical Roman.  He is out of character for a Roman.  First of all, he is respected by the Jews, who, incidentally, think he is worthy of Jesus granting this favor.  Yet the man himself doesn’t think so.  Next, he loves the Jews and built them their synagogue.  I wonder if he worshipped Jehovah.

This centurion regards his slave highly--maybe because the centurion respected God.  He also has a good enough relationship with the Jewish elders that they are willing to go to Jesus to ask Him to save his slave’s life.  So let me get this straight . . . the Jewish elders get involved with Jesus for the sake of a Roman centurion’s dying slave.  This is really quite bizarre.

Here is a man who is willing to go against his own culture and tradition to identify himself with God.  He is willing to humble himself and acknowledge his own unworthiness.  He knows Jesus is his servant’s only hope, and that he himself isn’t worthy of asking Jesus for His help.  In spite of his unworthiness, he sends a delegation to ask for Jesus’ help. 

What was so great?

Was his great faith simply that he believed Jesus could heal his servant?  Plenty of others believed Jesus could heal.  So there must be more to it.

In purely human terms, Jesus was actually subordinate to the centurion.  Yet the centurion makes it plain that he believed that Jesus was far above himself (that he, the centurion, was unworthy).  So was part of his great faith that he recognized that Jesus was no mere man?  The Jewish elders did not believe this.  Nor did they share the centurion’s belief that he was unworthy of this favor.  Note that Jesus says that “not even in Israel” has He found such great faith.

And was part of his great faith also that he believed that Jesus was so full of grace that He would heal his servant even though he was unworthy of even coming to ask Jesus for help, unworthy of even being in Jesus’ presence (under his roof)?  Think about that.  He’s totally convinced that he is unworthy of the favor, yet he is determined to ask Him to grant it.  Why?  Even though he believed that Jesus had the power and authority to heal, he knew he was unworthy to ask for the healing.  So why would he still ask?

He must have been equally convinced of not only the power and authority of Jesus, but also the goodness, the generosity, and the mercy of Jesus toward the undeserving.  Jesus is not only able to heal; He is willing.

Absolutely Amazing Grace

Jesus is God; He has authority to heal.  God is good; He is willing to heal, in spite of the fact that we don’t deserve it. 

This centurion recognized both his own condition and Jesus’ position, and he trusted in Jesus’ wonderful mercy and grace.

Have you been afraid to ask for help?  Have you hesitated because you have felt you didn’t deserve His help? 

You are absolutely right that you are unworthy.  So am I.  Every one of us is unworthy.  But we should still ask.  Why?  Because the question of His help is not contingent on our worthiness.  His help is available on the basis of His character.

"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh;

is anything too difficult for Me?

. . . I will rejoice over them to do good. . ."

Jeremiah 32:27, 41

Friend, there is no problem you face that is too difficult for Him.  His grace invites you to ask.

Thanksgiving--The Season That Never Ends

When we first returned from Ukraine with our newly adopted thirteen-year-old daughter, my dad went around the house with her, labeling things with sticky-notes.  Her repertoire of English vocabulary was very small, so he was helping to add to it.  I still smile when I remember his labeling of legs—"table leg," "chair leg," and "people leg."

Recently, I heard about another use for sticky-note labels that I've not been able to get out of my head.  Someone suggested that each of us ought to get two stacks of sticky-notes. On the notes in one stack, write the label "temporary" and attach those notes to everything that is just that—temporary.  Cars, computers, toys, furniture . . . even money.  You get the idea.  All the stuff that, in the end, will burn.  On the notes in the second stack, write "eternal" and stick those on people, because their souls are, in fact, eternal.

Even though I didn't actually make the labels, I now can't picture my stuff without seeing those labels attached in my mind.  And I find myself asking myself why I'm spending time on certain things that won't last or that won't impact the eternal in any way.

Surrounded by invisible labels, I've been thinking of their implication on my thanksgiving, too.  The temporary can certainly be cause for thanksgiving.  The glory and magnificence of the created world—all that we can see, taste, smell, hear, or touch—can point us to the wisdom and goodness of our Creator.  Majestic mountains, the cheerful sound of children's laughter, or the savory smell of pumpkin pie can inspire praise to our Father.  He is the one who gave us ears to hear.  He gave us eyes capable of seeing color and detecting depth.  He is the one who created flavor and gave us the ability to enjoy it.  As wonderful as the created world is though, it still gets a "temporary" label.  And that's really got me thinking.

I’ve tried to imagine being in what we'd be likely to call less-than-ideal circumstances.  What if I lost my sight?  What if I could no longer hear the laughter of children?  What if I were truly hungry or out in the cold?  What if my life were the one the Voice of the Martyrs magazine asked you to pray for?  What then?  In that light, a focus on the temporary seems terribly shallow.  What would I be thankful for then?  It would be the things that transcend and that can’t be stolen by circumstances good or bad.  Think of it!  If our joy is attached to the things that can’t be stolen, then our joy can’t be stolen either.  But if our joy is attached to temporary things . . .

God knows our hearts need a greater focus on the intangible blessings that are enduring, a focus that goes beyond thanksgiving for the albeit lovely, but nevertheless temporary.  It’s those eternal blessings that will remain and bring joy even when our lives are stripped of all those temporary things.

That's what the Apostle Peter was getting at in chapter one of his first letter:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away...”  

I find it interesting that Scripture focuses very little on the temporary, and even the examples of gratitude for temporary things point to God's character as Provider.  Not that I don't enjoy the temporary or won't be grateful for the blessings that I know will fade, but the temporary is definitely second tier, and the real issue is one of priorities.  Recognition of the enduring importance of the eternal is the cure for a hollow life.  Seeing with God's eternal perspective keeps us from being shallow.

So while I will still be thankful for temporary blessings, I'm all the more determined to cultivate an ardent attitude of gratitude for "every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places," as Paul says in Ephesians 1.  Though I can’t attach sticky-notes to them, they are no less real.  I want my joy to be anchored to the eternal, not to the temporary.  If I’m anchored to the eternal, I can't be shaken.  I’m convinced that’s what Peter was talking about as his first letter continues:

“In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials … and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory … [Therefore] fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

Yes, 'tis the season for being thankful.

If you know Jesus, the season never ends! 

By the way, parents, if we model a life of heavenly aligned priorities, we equip our children well to live a truly rich life.

"Godliness actually is a means of great gain,

when accompanied by contentment.

... Instruct those who are rich in this present world

not to be conceited

or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches,

but on God,

who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy."

I Timothy 6:6,17

The Ticket Out Of Your Comfort Zone

For four days last week, two of my children and I were immersed in the world of homeschool speech and debate.  My daughter commented that one of the things that inspired her was that, regardless of level of polish, each and every one of the roughly 250 students who attended this national open tournament was not afraid to stand up and speak in front of others.  Considering that statistics say ninety-five percent of adults wouldn't take the podium if offered it, this was an amazing group of young people.  I sat back in awe as I marveled at their poise and professionalism, the likes of which many people twice their age are still lacking.  Some of them conducted themselves more like mastered-degreed executives than junior high and high school students.

How in the world did they come to be this way?  There may be a rare few who were born with a desire to speak.  Most of the others, though, came to this point, I believe, as a result of essential encouragement.  Public speaking hasn't always been within their comfort zones.

My daughter's story goes like this.  Back in 2006, I read about an oratory contest sponsored by the Optimist Club.  When I mentioned it to Megan, she promptly responded that there was no way she could write a speech that long (four to five minutes).  She surprised herself when her first draft was at least three times too long.  When she got it cut down to appropriate length, she still wasn't sure, though, that she could get up to deliver it--live and memorized.

But my philosophy on these things has always been that the only thing you can know for sure is that you never know until you try.   Well, she made it--through three levels of competition before getting beat. But never-mind winning or losing.  She was hooked on public speaking. When she had a message that came from her heart, she found she could face her fears.

The thing was, though, that she might never have done it at all without me essentially insisting she give it one try.  I never insisted that she do more than that.  I let her know I believed she could do it, even if she didn't believe it yet herself.  I knew that partly because my own mom had done the same for me.  Thank you, Mom!

The encouragement to try something new is truly essential for our children.  Too often their limited perspective prevents them from envisioning themselves doing--at all--a particular thing that lies outside their comfort zones, or it at least prevents them from envisioning success at it.  They might never discover a real passion for something without that essential encouragement to give something new a try, and without someone to encourage them in it.

The ticket out of our comfort zones often starts with a simple, little push and a healthy dose of encouragement.  And if that something new is clearly in line with the Lord's calling for His ambassadors, we can also be sure of His presence and enabling power.

Besides that, if all we undertake is for His glory anyway, then the pressure to personally succeed, by the culture's standard, is completely lifted off our shoulders.  It's not just about winning or losing.  The outcome is in the Lord's hands.  We just need to be willing.  "Lord, we want to honor You above all in this.  Teach us what You want us to learn in it, and make us a blessing to others through it."  That's been our approach to speech and debate.

For your family, it may not speech or debate, but something else.  I happen to believe that speaking skills are essential tools in the leader's toolbox, so I admit I am rather partial to speech activities, but in whatever new thing we or our children may be called to try, we can rest knowing that the ultimate outcome is in God's hands.  Our God, who does infinitely beyond what we could ever ask or think, just may have plans to use us for His glory in an area that we could never have imagined.  With that perspective, taking a step outside our comfort zones to try something new, for the sake of becoming a better equipped ambassador--or in some other way for the Kingdom of God, is not only the obvious path to choose, but it's really not so risky after all.

"Now to Him who is able to do

far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,

according to the power that works within us,

to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus

to all generations forever and ever.

Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21

Blameless and Barren

I am concerned and grieved over an attitude reverberating through parts of the home school community that has the potential to be very emotionally and spiritually harmful, especially since it is not Biblical.  Here it is:  the more spiritual you are, the more you trust God, and the more you "do 'Biblical femininity' right", the more ‘blessings from God (i.e. children)’ you will have.  Well, maybe nobody actually states that idea as blatantly or explicitly as I just did, but it does get voiced subtly, is often alluded to, and it ends up making precious people feel like second class Christians/parents, on whom God has not dispensed His favor, if they don't have lots of children.

Trusting God with everything is the right thing to do, but the number of children in a family is not a manifestation of how godly the parents are or how much they trust Him!  There is so much more than number of children that factors into God's plans.  I invite you to consider Zacharias and Elizabeth, who had no children for a very long time, even though they were righteous and walking blamelessly.  It wasn't about the number of children, but about God's perfect timing and the fulfillment of God's centuries previous prophecy concerning John, forerunner of the promised Messiah.

The parents of John the Baptist were righteous and walking blamelessly we are told in Luke 1, but barren and old.  That’s right—righteous, but old and still barren.  (Luke 1:6-7)  Right at the beginning, God sets out to make it clear that number of children doesn’t correlate to spiritual maturity.  He’s God, and He chooses to work differently with each of us.  His plans are executed on His timetable.  His plans are executed for His purposes.  However much we may pretend we are, or however much we would like to be, we are not the one in charge.

In John’s case, first of all, the older his parents were, the more miraculous the birth of this child would be.  You know how people will talk about these things; and he turned out to be one very talked about baby.  Combine the parents’ age with the prophecy and with Zacharias’ voice loss and miraculous recovery and you see that God engineered a situation that put everyone in anticipation of what He would do next with this child.  Check out Luke 1:57-66.

Second, we know, looking back, that John had to be a contemporary of the Messiah, so if John had come any sooner, the timing would have been all off.  God knows what He’s doing.  What a relief, and what a good thing it is, that we are not the one in charge!

Have you ever puzzled about the timing or circumstances of your own birth or of someone’s in your family?  Have you ever thought about the possibility that you or your child may have been born at just the right time to make one of you a contemporary of a certain someone else in order to fulfill God’s plan?  Centuries ago, Esther’s uncle challenged her to consider, “And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?”  (Esther 4:15)

Sadly, for some, 'trusting God' has produced  more guilt and stress, not less, as they worry that their number of children means they have somehow failed to live up to some man-made formula for a man-made definition of God's blessing.  Yes, children are a blessing, but children are not the only way God blesses.  It’s too easy for us to slip into worry and second-guessing when we see only from our limited perspective.  Meanwhile, God sees each of our lives from the perspective of His eternal perfect plans, where each life intersects with the others by design and in just the right rhythm.  His executive planner extends all the way to eternity.  Our calendar may only go to December 2011, or perhaps 2012, but He can see—and has planned for—forever.

Don't be tempted to buy the discouraging lie that the most godly will always have the most children.  It just isn't so, and Zacharias and Elizabeth are proof of it.  Abraham and Sarah are proof.  I repeat:  there is so much more than number of children that factors into God's plans.  A delay could be essential to His precise planning.  One or more of your children may need some special level of time-intensive care or discipleship that He desires you to give in a less crowded setting.  He knows your unique needs, the unique needs of each one in your family, and the unique needs of each one to whom you are called to minister.  Some of the circumstances of your life may not be about you at all, but about someone else whose life will be transformed because of the way He ordered your particular circumstances.

Trusting Him means we choose to be content in Him, period.  We do not compare our lives to someone else’s and expect that God will do the same with us.  We are not to make our own assumptions about what God will or won’t do for us when we submit to Him.  Our calling is to seek Him alone, and, in His wisdom, He may grant us children.  But if we seek children ahead of seeking Christ, we're on the wrong train.  And even if he doesn't grant children, He loves us no less.

In God's plan, we have two biological children.  Pregnancy did not come easily.  Our third and oldest child is actually our newest; we did the unthinkable, from the world’s perspective that is, and, at God’s direction, adopted a teenager who was older than our biological children.  It’s possible that, had we had more biological children, we’d not have been open to adoption when she was in need.  It's also possible that we could not have ministered to her needs, had our family been any bigger.  God knew that a dear, lonely girl needed us and that we needed her, in His way and in His time.

Family design is ultimately not a function of our spirituality but of His sovereignty.  When we forget that, we can become proud and unwittingly wound others for whom Christ died.

The older our children get, and the bigger and more complicated the life decisions become, the more I find myself needing to rest increasingly in His wisdom and sovereignty, seeking His direction at every turn.  With every turn of the pages of His Word, I see anew that He is worthy of our trust—both for the circumstances of our own lives and for the lives of the children we have, don’t have yet, or may never have.

He’s still God and He’s still good. He has perfect plans and the perfect power to fulfill them.  Oh, that we would be content in His arms.