On Friendship: A Sweet Synergy

Outdo one another in showing honor.

Romans 12:10

Reflecting on some of my most precious friendships throughout the years, I realize they all have important features in common.  It also turns out they all avoid the same pitfalls.  The healthiest, most beautiful friendships and conversations thrive on a refreshing, intertwining balance of sharing and listening, the latter often with questions to draw others out.

Listening well helps make others feel cared about.  And the best listeners know how to do it while they guard against two things.  Pride sometimes makes good listeners view others as needy projects, while fear of vulnerability can keep good listeners from opening up.  Listen well without sharing well, and others will inevitably feel unneeded or inferior, and as though the listener sees them simply as a project, but unworthy of being taken into the listener’s own confidence.   The best listeners have no condescending pride or aloofness; they listen out of genuine love and enthusiastic interest.  They have banished fear of vulnerability, too, so that  their careful attention to what others say guides them to open up about their own lives in ways that are relevant, nourishing, inviting, and enfolding.

Opening up is indeed the other half of the lovely balance in friendship.  Sharing well helps make others feel needed, valued, and trusted. But those who find opening up easy need to guard against the tendency to be self-focused.  The best sharers know how to avoid a selfish approach to conversation that can initially make others feel needed, yet eventually makes others wonder if they are just being used.  Sharing without the counterbalance of devoted listening makes others feel that their own lives must be insignificant and that their worth only consists in what others can take from them.  The best sharers are not only guided by listening, but even as they open up about their own lives, they communicate both the gratitude and ease that comes from knowing they are loved and treasured by the listener and their pure joy and delight at having such a friend who cares to listen, to encourage, and often to pray.

Oh, how I thank God for the precious friends who inspire such reflections and who constantly encourage me to be a better friend by their examples.

Grateful beyond words,
Carol

Mystery

Have you noticed it?  Have you felt it?  There’s something different about this season.

People are different in this season.  Even the atmosphere at the grocery store is different.  The usually grumpy clerk has apparently found a supply of smiles somewhere, and now she’s giving them away.  People find themselves humming along to the carols in the air.  And some of the most unlikely might just go the extra mile for someone.  What’s up?

Some might say it’s the thought of getting a little time off.  Or it’s a sugar rush from all the extra sweets and treats.  Or the laughter of children in the snow is just contagious.  But what if it’s more than that? What if it’s more than just some elusive fairy tale magic cheerfulness in the air?

What if all creation could sense that something of truly epic proportions was going on? 

You know, the most anticipated event in all of human history took place roughly two thousand years ago in the small town of Bethlehem.  But at the time, it went relatively unnoticed.  Only a few from the humblest positions in society were in on the news when the birth took place—the birth of the long-awaited, much prophesied about, Jewish-born king who had a heart for every people on earth. 

But don’t let His quiet entrance fool you.  It may have been a relatively silent night, but the night that divine royalty left heaven and came to earth wrapped in the form of a child was nothing short of the utmost in extraordinary.

The world has never been the same since.

Praying your own world will never be the same either,

Carol

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, 
and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, 
full of grace and truth."

"...As many as received Him, 
to them He gave the right to become children of God, 
even to those who believe in His name."

~from the prologue of John's biography of Jesus  (John 1:14, 12)

No Dead Ends

"The counsel of the LORD stands forever,

the plans of His heart from generation to generation."

Psalm 33:11

There is always a way forward with God.  He is never boxed in by "circumstances."

His plans are never thwarted.

Sometimes what we see as a dead end is actually a divinely engineered rest, for learning and for building our faith, while He clears the brush away for us to see the path ahead--the path that He knew was there all the time.

So thankful He is leading, and I am the one following,
Carol

Fifty-Two Weeks Of Wonder

I have accepted the challenge to read through the whole Bible in one year.  I am only in week two and I am already overwhelmed by His mercy and at His feet in awe and wonder.  Have I read this before?  Yes, most of it.  Does it ever get old?  Never.  Is there always something new?  Absolutely!

"Open my eyes, 

that I may behold WONDERFUL things from Your law."

Psalm 119:18

You know that's a prayer He will answer!

With expectant joy,
Carol

The Platform of Pain

“You also became imitators of us and of the Lord, 

having received the word 

in much tribulation with the joy of the Holy Spirit…” 

—from Paul’s first letter to the Christians at Thessalonica 

(I Thessalonians 1:6)

That stopped me in my tracks—joy and much tribulation in the same sentence, simultaneously existing in the same life context.  Tribulation and joy are surprisingly uncommon partners indeed.

They’re surprising partners because too often I let my joy be based on my circumstances.  Life happens to me, and I react, and not always well.  Pain or problems pull back the curtain and reveal the foundation for my joy.  Then they point me back to anchoring my joy in Jesus alone.

Please let it end!  Or maybe not...

I usually pray for pain to go away.  But could it be that God wants to do something else through me?  Too often I forget that pain creates a powerful platform.  Joy in the midst of pain is the very last thing a watching world would expect, so people are going to notice it.  When I reflect on my own life, I realize that some of the most powerful testimonies of encouragement and joyful faith I have ever seen were from people in less than ideal circumstances.  

And that’s exactly what happened with the Thessalonian Christians, too.  Paul’s letter goes on…

“…in much tribulation with the joy of the Holy Spirit, 

SO THAT you became an example to all the believers 

in Macedonia and in Achaia.” 

(I Thessalonians 1:7)

So people all over heard about their faith and joy in the Lord.  And it gets even better.

“For the word of the Lord has sounded forth from you,

not only in Macedonia and Achaia, 

but also in every place your faith toward God has gone forth, 

so that we have no need to say anything.  

For they themselves report 

about us what kind of a reception we had with you,

 and how you turned to God from idols 

to serve a living and true God…” 

(I Thessalonians 1:8-9)

That’s right.  Paul would arrive somewhere, and the locals would tell him about the Christians at Thessalonica.  Incredible!

In this world you will have tribulation, so open a Fountain of Life stand.

I want to be one of those talked about believers.  Oh, not for my sake, not to draw attention to myself, but because Jesus deserves to have the story of what He’s doing, the story of His joy, told far and wide.  Especially when life isn’t pain-free.

O, Lord, turn our eyes to you, fill us with your joy, and make us magnetic messengers who make the most of the platform of pain, for your glory alone!

All for His Glory,

Carol

Loved.

"See how great a love the Father has lavished on us, 

that we should be called children of God."

 I John 3:1

How should we measure our worth?  How do we measure our worth?   Unfortunately, the answer to those two questions isn't always the same.

Have you ever measured your worth by your problems or by your performance?  I have.  And then I have to remind myself that it's not an accurate measure.

My worth will never be accurately measured by my problems or by my performance.  Nor am I accurately assessed by the reviews I receive from others, whether face-to-face or Facebook likes.  

The only accurate measure of my worth is based on who I am in Christ.  Jesus sees the real me, the real you, yet was willing to die to redeem us.  Every single one of the flaws I wish to hide from others are known to Him, and still He loves me.  Still He died to redeem me.  Still He calls me His friend.  Greater still, He invites me into His family.   He chooses to make His home in me.  He chooses to include me in His plans for His kingdom and for His world.

This truth matters every moment of every day.  It affects how I treat others in every way.  If I am insecure in my own feeling of worth, I cannot be free to love others without being distracted by my own needs for affirmation.  All of life can descend to being about propping me up.

The truth is, though, that my worth does not depend on my surrounding, my challenges, my family or friends, my failures, or my successes.

"God demonstrates His own love toward us, 

in that while we were yet sinners, 

Christ died for us."  

Romans 5:8

When I realize I am loved that much, by the One who matters most, I am set free to love, and not just to love from my own limited storehouse, but to love as a pipeline of God's love, forever connected to His unquenchable supply.

"Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God."

[Yes, but what about when life is hard?  What then?]

"And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulatons, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint… [Why?] ...because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy spirit who was given to us."  Romans 5:1-5

Feeling, (no, not just feeling), KNOWING I am loved,

Carol

P.S.  Why don't you go love somebody who needs to hear this!

Inexpressible Joy

(Second in a series on Joy.
For Part One, click here.)

“I will see you again,

and your heart will rejoice,

and no one takes your joy away from you.”

—Jesus, recorded in John 16:22

Yes, but some days, life is just really hard.  And we can find ourselves wondering whether it’s really true that no one can take our joy away.  Are you sometimes tempted to be suspicious that the reassurance Jesus gave might have been just for Jesus’ apostles?  That’s when I go again to read what Peter had to say about it.

To those who have received a faith like "ours"

Peter, by the way, is the one who explicitly explained, as recorded in Acts 15:7-12, that God made no distinction between the Jews and the Gentiles, cleansing both their hearts by faith, that God gave His Holy Spirit to the Gentiles, just as He did to the Jews, and that Jew and Gentile alike are saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus.  That means me, too.  And that means you.  Peter is also the one who was one of Jesus’ closest friends while Jesus walked on earth, and the same one who addresses his second letter to the ones “who have received a faith of the same kind as ours…”  (II Peter 1:1)  That means me, too.  And, yes, it means you.

So this is what Peter—one of, as he says, the “eyewitnesses of His majesty”—writes to scattered Christians about hope and joy…

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the RESURRECTION of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 

In this you greatly REJOICE, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

And though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with JOY inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.” 

I Peter 1:3-9

There is no doubt that, for Peter, the living hope secured in Jesus’ resurrection meant great joy—glorious, inexpressible joy.  Great, glorious, and inexpressible joy, even in the face of various trials for a little while now.  But beyond his own powerful testimony, what grips me most is that there is also no doubt that he meant that this joy was indeed for us, too!  He specifically addresses these powerful words to those who have not seen Him, but love Him, to those who do not see Him now, but believe in Him.  That most certainly means me.  And it means this joy is meant for you, too!

Yes, it is true for us, too, that there is nothing we will ever face that the resurrection of Jesus does not put into perspective!  Nothing that can overshadow the joy of our inheritance, the inheritance that will not fade, the inheritance reserved for us, who are protected by the power of God.

Peter, who saw Him alive, was convinced that this salvation puts everything into perspective…

“…Fix your hope COMPLETELY 

on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

 … And after you have suffered for a little while, 

the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, 

will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

 … Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  

To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity.  Amen.”  

I Peter 1:13; 5:10; II Peter 5:18

With great Joy,

Carol

Unstealable Joy

“These things I have spoken to you,

that My JOY may be in you,

and that your JOY may be made full.”

—Jesus, in John 15:11

Been pondering John 16:16-22…where Jesus tells His disciples (just before His arrest) that in a little while they wouldn’t see Him, and then, in a little while, they would.  Understandably, they got confused.

I WILL see you again
Jesus, of course, picked up on it, and further explained.  They would be very sad, He said, but their sorrow would be turned to joy.  Unhesitatingly, He declared, “I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice.”  Jesus knew He was going to be taken away to die, yes, but not against His will.  He was pursuing the very purpose for which He had come, and which He knew did not ultimately end in their separation.  He was no helpless victim; He was, in fact, even now predicting His victory—with certainty. 

And He told them something else I find especially momentous.  “I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and NO ONE TAKES YOUR JOY AWAY FROM YOU.”

Nothing compares
After witnessing the death of Jesus—and experiencing such heart-breaking separation from Him—seeing their precious Savior and Friend resurrected brought joy that defied description.  He predicted that it would be for them as it is for a mother who forgets the anguish of labor in the midst of the overwhelming joy over her child’s birth—and it was.

Truly, after seeing His death, nothing would ever seem as bad as losing Jesus had seemed to them.  Nothing else could ever be as terrible to them.  Nothing could be that dark ever again.  And this, their crushing grief at His death, had been turned to rejoicing when they saw Him alive again.  Now nothing they could ever face in the future could take the joy of knowing Him alive.  Once they had seen the risen Christ, absolutely nothing could take their joy away!  Life for them would never be the same!

Have you seen Him alive?
What about for me?  And what about for you?  Do you know the risen Savior?  If we, through the eyes of faith, have "seen" Jesus alive, then there is nothing we could ever face that His resurrection does not put into perspective.  Once we have seen Him alive, there is nothing that should seem to us impossible, nothing unredeemable, nothing so dark that His resurrected life cannot illumine!  He has promised to never leave us as orphans, to never desert us or forsake us.  Once His Holy Spirit lives in us; we can never experience the agony of separation from Him or from His love.

“For I am convinced

that neither death, nor life, nor angels,

nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come,

nor powers, nor height, nor depth,

nor any other created thing,

shall be able to separate us from the love of God,

which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39

According to the One who resolutely declared, “I will see you again,” no one can take our joy away!

Is it any wonder that the fruit of the Spirit has always been joy?  (See Galatians 5:22.)

Joyously giving thanks to the Father (Colossians 1:11-12),

Carol

P.S. READ MORE on this one-of-a-kind joy in Part 2 Inexpressible Joy.

It'll Never Happen!

So when was the last time God answered with this:

"Oh, I really wish I could help, but all my resources are pretty much exhausted right now!"?

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened,
so that you may know…
what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe…"
Ephesians 1:18-19

If we only knew... 

Divine Appointments

This is a regular post, but, as by divine appointment,

it also happens to intersect with

Part 8 of the Beyond Trophies Series

I’ve just got to tell you about something that totally amazes me, and if you’re reading the Beyond Trophies series, today’s topic is the foundational key to beginning to understand what ballots must add up to.  (What Ballots Must Add Up To and what God is doing through them is what I’ll be focusing on the next time, too, but this just has to come first.)

Nobody will ever convince me that there’s no such thing as a divine appointment!  When Jesus sent Peter and John to prepare the Passover (see Luke 22), He told them ahead of time whom they would meet when they arrived in the city.  And it wasn’t that He just gave them an address where they were to hope to find somebody in the vicinity.

No, the designated man was to be en route carrying a pitcher of water, and his path would intersect with Peter and John at the very moment they would enter the city.  Peter and John were to follow the man into a house and then ask the owner (who, by no accident, of course, would be home at this moment) where the guest room was where “The Teacher” (Jesus) could eat the Passover with His disciples.  The owner would then proceed to show them a large, furnished upper room.  No confusion, no surprise, no hesitancy, just hospitality from the owner of the house.  Doesn’t that whole scenario strike you as just a little out of the ordinary?

Don't miss this

If we’re familiar with the Bible, sometimes these things can slip right past us, but to be honest, I don’t want anything to slip past me.  I aim to read it like I’ve never read it before, like I don’t already know what happens next—to read it like it’s the first time.  And I’m blown away.

And not just blown away by Jesus telling them exactly what to expect.  Oh, no, it gets even better: “They found everything just as He had told them.”

This is the God I serve.  Nobody else plans and executes like that.  He has the perfect power to carry out His perfect plans to accomplish His perfect purposes.  He is more than able to put us in the places He needs us to be, and at just the right times, so that His purposes for us—personally and in His overall plan—will come to pass!  For you team policy debaters, we’re talking about solvency considerations.  There are no holes in God’s agency, enforcement, funding, or timeline!

NOTE TO SELF:  Time to quit stressing.  Pray for direction, plan in light of His Word, and be available.  The next person I meet is my next divine appointment.  (Including, in the world of competition, the next competitors and judge I meet.)

Your divine appointments

Speaking of the world of competition, are you seeing the implications of God’s choreography and orchestration here?  Let's bring it a little closer to home for you competitors.  Your judges and your ballots are not just haphazard coincidences.  God divinely appoints the judges he needs to accomplish His purposes for you (and for them) and makes sure they get to your rounds.

When it’s time for awards, God has the power to appoint every single competitor to the place where He needs them to be—whether that’s on or off the platform—and arrange them in the order He chooses!  Will you trust God for that?

If you will, then you can relax and enjoy the ride much more than if you think you’re at the mercy of out of control circumstances.  Do you feel sometimes like trusting God about this seems like somewhat of a challenge?   Well, I’m pretty certain Isaiah knew someone else who may have struggled with this…

“Lift up your eyes on high and see who has created these stars, 

the One who leads forth their host by number, 

He calls them all by name;

 Because of the greatness of His might

 and the strength of His power 

not one of them is missing.

[WOW, okay, I’m listening…]

Why do you say, O Jacob [O debater], 

and assert, O Israel [O speaker],

 ‘My way is hidden from the LORD, 

and the justice due me escapes the notice of my God?’”

Isaiah 40:26-27  

[brackets mine]

The One who keeps the stars in place would assure you that He’s not looking the other way at ANY time, and certainly not during ballot distribution or while your judges are filling out ballots.  Our days are no accident.  “Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in your book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.”  (Psalm 139:16) 

I challenge you to view your next day, even your next hour, and yes, your next tournament, as a series of divine appointments, and watch expectantly to see what happens!

Breaking News:  God interrupts this post…

to bring me a divine appointment!

I had written only as far as the “note to self” section preceding (the “next person I meet is my next divine appointment” part), when I had to stop to go do some errands.  And guess what?  I found myself in the middle of an amazing divine appointment!

I had been in the men’s shampoo aisle wondering what in the world caffeine in a shampoo does to a person’s hair and trying to decide which product—glue, paste, wax, or gel—was right for my son’s hair (…was he going for spiffy or casual?), when someone approached me and asked me for help.  But not for help with the hair stuff.  He began to explain his need.  I never know for sure in these kinds of situations whether I’m being sold a scam or not, but I felt he was genuine.  In case he should read this someday, I want to be careful how I tell this, but I can tell you that when I gently listened and bought him groceries, he literally cried out of gratitude and stayed to hear the good news of the gospel!

Please understand that I’m nobody extraordinary, but I’m here to tell you that our God is.  And I absolutely love to be a part of the plans He’s working out through divine appointments!  How about you?

P.S. If you haven’t been following the Beyond Trophies series and would like to catch up, you can click on “Beyond Trophies” near the top of the page to find the rest of the series (or click here).  The whole world, it seems, is all about competition, from backyard races to basketball tournaments and job promotions.  The Beyond Trophies series is about navigating the world of competition with a Biblical compass and it's relevant in any arena of competition!