My Night Job

This post (also shared with the IAHE) is dedicated to everyone

who has ever lain awake worrying over something,

or might ever be tempted to. . .

At 5:12 last Wednesday morning the lights came on.

No, not the electric lights.  Something dawned on my heart--and I realized something.

I awoke to use the bathroom, and as I got out of bed, I began to marvel.  The things I have historically worried about in the night are never the really "big" things.  The things I know I have absolutely no control over--and that are entirely in God's hands--are not the things that keep me awake.

No, what keeps me awake are those smaller things that I think I have some control over.  The things I think are up to me, that I somehow control the outcome of.  I lie awake concerned about how I am going to get them done.

And then it hit me.  This line I've drawn between what's in my control and what's in God's control is an illusion--it's a non-existent line!  There's really no difference at all.  He is sovereign over the big things, and He's no less sovereign over the small ones.  What ever was I thinking?!  He reminded me that apart from Him I can do nothing (John 15).  My life is fruitful only as I depend on Him.  And His power to mastermind and accomplish the big things is more than sufficient for the smaller things of my life.

So I resolved to retire from my night job as worrier.  I've known all along it wasn't right, but somehow, I kept getting pulled into it.  Without actually consciously acknowledging it, I sort of imagined that I ultimately had control over the things I stayed awake over.

I'm learning to trust Him more.

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?

And why have you become disturbed within me?

Hope in God,

for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.

The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime;

And His song will be with me in the night*,

A prayer to the God of my life.

Hope in God,

for I shall yet praise Him,

The help of my countenance, and my God."

Psalm 42:5, 8, 11b

P.S. * So I've taken a new a new night job (when I'm not asleep, that is).  I'm singing His song.