The House of Mourning

(I decided to share this particular post
with the IAHE blog, too, this week.)


"It is better to go to a house of mourning

Than to go to a house of feasting,

 Because that [death] is the end of every man,

And the living takes it to heart."

Ecclesiastes 7:2

This week my husband went literally to a house of mourning, and though our schedule did not permit me to be there with him physically, I, too, was there in my heart.  He watched them bury his forty-nine-year-old cousin--a husband and father of three.  The new year had begun with a new job, but after only a week at the new job, the man entered the hospital, and by the end of ten weeks, after two liver transplants, he departed this earth.  That was it.  His life is finished.

The living takes it to heart.

What if that were I?  What if that were you?  What would be left unfinished?  When we breathe our last breaths, would there be something we'd regret not doing?

The living takes it to heart.

I'm sure he never intended to die at forty-nine.  We all tend to think we've got plenty of time.  The day before the house of mourning, we had 'feasted' with my father-in-law, who was celebrating his eightieth birthday, and who had just come victoriously through heart surgery.  When the future stretches out before us like a road we can't see the end of, we can be lulled into a false sense of eternal life on this earth.  With the end not clearly visible on our horizon, we are tempted to let go of the urgency of living intentionally.  

Living as if we've got all the time in the world, our theoretical priorities of ideals don't translate into actual priorities of time.  The pressing, yet often not so significant, becomes our master instead.  Unintentionally, we give up living intentionally. 

. . .But the living takes it to heart. . .

Our children will not be young forever.

Neither will any of us live forever, on this earth.

What must change, so that we live intentionally, and with no regrets?

. . . ONE YEAR LATER . . . The View From The Top

It’s been one year.  One year since the day our son, Ben, went running at top speed across wet grass after a runaway kite and slipped and broke his hip.  Ever the optimist, his verbal reaction in the emergency room, to the news that he would be having surgery to repair the break, was, “It’s hard to keep a cheerful personality down for long.”  Cheerful he was on the outside, but it still wasn’t easy.

Yes, thirteen years old, and broke his hip.  Who does that?  I’ll tell you who—the one for whom God had an out of the ordinary plan to refine his character.  Some lessons were learned right away.  He wrote about eight pages in the first six weeks about what the Lord was teaching him, and more in the next few weeks.  I shared some of his insights earlier on this blog.  However, the perspective that a year brings has highlighted even more character changes we’d have never foreseen or even guessed in a million years.

Earlier this week, we saw Ben’s orthopedic surgeon on the one-year anniversary of his fall.  She was very impressed with the healing.  In the new x-rays, you can’t even see where the break in the bone was, except, of course, for the three telltale screws, which bear testimony to something out of the ordinary.  Humanly speaking, there had been a moderate risk of part of the bone dying and crumbling, requiring a hip replacement.  We are so grateful for the Lord’s gift of adequate blood supply to the bone, keeping it alive.  Ben thanked the surgeon for her good work, but she said that his body did the healing, to which Ben responded that it was actually the Lord who did that.

After we got out to the car to return home, Ben remarked that, if he had it to do over, he wouldn’t have it any other way.  His sister’s reaction to that was that she wouldn’t go chasing the kite.  But Ben was serious.  We asked him to elaborate. . .

“Can this really be happening?” I thought, when I heard the news at the hospital.  “Why me?  Why Now?  Why did this have to happen?”  Well, some might call it being unlucky, but I call it Providence.  God decided that I should break my leg, go to the hospital, and spend the next several months getting back on my feet.  But it wasn’t just some random decision on God’s part.  He says in His word that He knows the plans He has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us.  I believe that God used this time to really grow me, and teach me.

The first thing God taught me is that He always has a reason for our difficulties.  So, back to my original question, “Why did this have to happen?”  Well, I believe that God brings into His children’s lives these little things called trials.  Now the word “trial” has a natural negative connotation it, but that really shouldn’t be.  We think of trials as very hard, difficult times in our lives, something like climbing a huge mountain that never seems to end.  But we learn through God’s word that God thinks of trials as a way to grow us and show us new things, something like the amazing, beautiful view off the top of that mountain.  To sum that up, man mostly thinks of trials in terms of the climb and difficulty, or the view from the bottom, but God sees trials, not only as the climb, but also as a way to grow us and show us new things.  In other words, God views our mountainous trials from the top, seeing both our climb and the view.  He always has a reason for our mountains that is for our good.

            Something else that God taught me is that He is faithful.  You probably can’t imagine the size of the inward gulp that I had when we heard the results of the x-rays. A broken leg—that meant surgery.  Now I don’t know about you, but I think most people my age aren’t in the business of having surgery.  I’m not!  So when 8 o’clock rolled around the next morning (the scheduled time for surgery), I was quite nervous.  But after we had prayed, and gone down several floors, and into the surgery area, I had a lack of fear that I can’t explain, other than it being God’s peace.  I woke up after surgery and all was just fine. God is faithful.  This really had an impact on me, because if God can get me through the most scary and difficult time in my life so far, then, of course, He can get me through my math lesson!  God is faithful.

            Lastly, God taught me something regarding work.  Long difficult math problems, working outside pulling weeds, and doing chores were not something I used to enjoy at all.  And now I will use my two favorite words…but God changed me while I was sitting down!  Not being able to do so much for so long made me want to be able to do work.  I mentioned earlier the second thing God taught me, and it applies to this, too.  If God can get me through my experiences at the hospital, then God can certainly get me though my everyday life!   God has changed me.  Now I like work, I know that it is a good thing that God has given us to do, which honors Him and parents, and I know that God can get me through anything (and that includes every kind of work under the sun).

            Someone could say that I’ve had a very unlucky year full of difficult times and climbs, but I say it has been a wonderful time of refining by God.  Looking back on this year, I can see both the climb and the outcome, and I know that it was worth it.  If I had this year to do over again, I wouldn’t have it any other way!   ~Ben

"Consider it all joy, my brethren,

when you encounter various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

And let endurance have its perfect result,

that you may be perfect and complete,

lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

Note from Carol:  By the way, if you haven't heard the song God gave me to write and share with our family only about 36 hours before this storm in Ben's life, you can listen here.  I want you to see what God did!

The Ticket Out Of Your Comfort Zone

For four days last week, two of my children and I were immersed in the world of homeschool speech and debate.  My daughter commented that one of the things that inspired her was that, regardless of level of polish, each and every one of the roughly 250 students who attended this national open tournament was not afraid to stand up and speak in front of others.  Considering that statistics say ninety-five percent of adults wouldn't take the podium if offered it, this was an amazing group of young people.  I sat back in awe as I marveled at their poise and professionalism, the likes of which many people twice their age are still lacking.  Some of them conducted themselves more like mastered-degreed executives than junior high and high school students.

How in the world did they come to be this way?  There may be a rare few who were born with a desire to speak.  Most of the others, though, came to this point, I believe, as a result of essential encouragement.  Public speaking hasn't always been within their comfort zones.

My daughter's story goes like this.  Back in 2006, I read about an oratory contest sponsored by the Optimist Club.  When I mentioned it to Megan, she promptly responded that there was no way she could write a speech that long (four to five minutes).  She surprised herself when her first draft was at least three times too long.  When she got it cut down to appropriate length, she still wasn't sure, though, that she could get up to deliver it--live and memorized.

But my philosophy on these things has always been that the only thing you can know for sure is that you never know until you try.   Well, she made it--through three levels of competition before getting beat. But never-mind winning or losing.  She was hooked on public speaking. When she had a message that came from her heart, she found she could face her fears.

The thing was, though, that she might never have done it at all without me essentially insisting she give it one try.  I never insisted that she do more than that.  I let her know I believed she could do it, even if she didn't believe it yet herself.  I knew that partly because my own mom had done the same for me.  Thank you, Mom!

The encouragement to try something new is truly essential for our children.  Too often their limited perspective prevents them from envisioning themselves doing--at all--a particular thing that lies outside their comfort zones, or it at least prevents them from envisioning success at it.  They might never discover a real passion for something without that essential encouragement to give something new a try, and without someone to encourage them in it.

The ticket out of our comfort zones often starts with a simple, little push and a healthy dose of encouragement.  And if that something new is clearly in line with the Lord's calling for His ambassadors, we can also be sure of His presence and enabling power.

Besides that, if all we undertake is for His glory anyway, then the pressure to personally succeed, by the culture's standard, is completely lifted off our shoulders.  It's not just about winning or losing.  The outcome is in the Lord's hands.  We just need to be willing.  "Lord, we want to honor You above all in this.  Teach us what You want us to learn in it, and make us a blessing to others through it."  That's been our approach to speech and debate.

For your family, it may not speech or debate, but something else.  I happen to believe that speaking skills are essential tools in the leader's toolbox, so I admit I am rather partial to speech activities, but in whatever new thing we or our children may be called to try, we can rest knowing that the ultimate outcome is in God's hands.  Our God, who does infinitely beyond what we could ever ask or think, just may have plans to use us for His glory in an area that we could never have imagined.  With that perspective, taking a step outside our comfort zones to try something new, for the sake of becoming a better equipped ambassador--or in some other way for the Kingdom of God, is not only the obvious path to choose, but it's really not so risky after all.

"Now to Him who is able to do

far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,

according to the power that works within us,

to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus

to all generations forever and ever.

Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21

The Invisible Work

(If you're reading the IAHE's blog, this won't be new, 

but in case you missed it there, I'll share it here, too.) 

"For I am confident of this very thing, 

that He who began a good work in you

will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

October 31, 1992, we moved into our first house.  The frost had already come, and the previous owner had graciously cleaned up the then essentially empty flower beds.  Before long, winter came and blanketed it all in snow.

Then one day it happened.  Spring weather came, and all over the landscape beds, flowers and plants of all kinds started popping up everywhere.  I couldn't understand it.  I had planted nothing.  Where was all this coming from?

Such was my introduction to perennial gardening.  What had looked like just a barren piece of ground virtually came alive when the time was right.  I was in awe.  Each day I just had to go out and inspect things to see what the next surprise would be.  I began pouring over books, trying to identify what was growing in my yard.  I was hooked.  And I would never be the same.

Twenty years later, the arrival of the perennial spring growing things still calls me to wonder and awe before the Creator who engineered it all.  And each spring I am reminded of a wonderfully reassuring truth.  Even though there are times when things may look like nothing good is happening on the surface, like all is dead, like no progress is being made, like there isn't any hope anymore, what we see is not all there is.  God is ever and always at work, behind the scenes, in ways we could never even imagine, carefully orchestrating His perfect plan.  Then, when the time is right, He shows us what He's been working on.

Maybe there is a situation in your home or your school circumstances that you have begun to despair about.  Perhaps it seems things have come to a standstill where you really need to see some progress.  Is there something you are tempted to lose hope about?

"I would have despaired

unless I had believed I would see

the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

Be strong and let your heart take courage;

Yes, wait for the LORD."

Psalm 27:14-15

Our gracious God is reminding us this season that He is at work even when it may look to us like nothing is happening.  When you see these spring growing things, remember that He is at work in your very own household as well.  What seems to us to be a permanent plateau in a child's learning or character development may actually be the time of God's invisible work.

When the time is right, we'll get to see what He's been working on. Until then,

"Let us not lose heart in doing good,

for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." 

Galatians 6:9

This Business of Loving

(If you read the IAHE's blog, you may have already been in on 

'This Business of Loving', but in case you missed it there, I wanted to share it here.) 

I've noticed something.  Sometimes we look at each other's families and think everybody but us has it all together.  Everybody else's families get along better than ours.  Their garden is more productive.  Their children are smarter.  We think other families don't struggle like we do.  We're the only ones with challenges.

That is just a pack of lies.

There is no perfect family.  Each and every family has areas they're still growing in, and the sooner we realize it, the better off we'll be.  If we can talk about it, we can encourage one another and build each other up.  So today I think we should talk about loving.

Let's just admit it up front.  Some people are easier to love than others.  For whatever particular reasons, some of our companions, maybe in the family or maybe not, have a more exhausting effect on our hearts than others do.

Over the years, I found myself, many times, praying for God to help me to love like He does.  After all, doesn't He tell us to imitate Him, as beloved children?  (Ephesians 5:1)  I have tried loving from my own limited resources and strength, and I have drained the last of them.  I don't know if I would have admitted it right out, but I was operating as if it were up to me to drum up all that love to imitate His love with.  It just wasn't working.  When I knew I should be loving, I felt more like retreating in frustration instead.  What was I to do?

Then the Lord, in His gentle way, reminded me of a truth that transformed everything--I'm dead.  That's right, I'm dead.

"I have been crucified with Christ;

and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;

and the life which I now live in the flesh
I live by faith in the Son of God,

who loved me and gave Himself up for me."

Galatians 2:20

So. . . It's not actually about me just trying harder to love like He does, or even Him as an outside entity filling me with His love.  The reality is that He, in me, actually does the loving!  What a relief!

It should have been no surprise that I had failed; the dead aren't exactly known for their amazing accomplishments.  How freeing to be reminded that His never ending love has always been up to the job.  My aim, as His beloved child, is to please Him, but the power to actually do it is all from His life in me.

One more thing still bothered me though.  Why did loving still have to be so challenging? Again, His gentle reminder,

". . .and the life I now live . . . , I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me . . ."

He loved me!  Me, who is needy.  Me, who messes up.  Me, who often fails to use her head.  Me, who just seems to 'not get it' sometimes.  He loves me. Why should I think that the ones He wants to love through me should not be this way, should not be so needy?

The ones He chooses to set His love on through me won't necessarily be easy to love or worthy.  Neither am I.  I'm realizing that all the loving He does through me is a picture of His love for me.  It's the same love, and we're all equally needy.

When He loves through me, He picks the object of His love; I don't get to do the choosing. When I might be turned off, put off, or repulsed, He can and does love the most unlovely. And He does it perfectly.  I must remember that it's not my life anymore--I'm dead--I'm His temple now, His hands and feet.  I'm here for Him to love through me.  When my old self resurrects, and I forget who's really alive here, I get frustrated, and I bristle at the task. But this business of loving will never be too much for Him.

His love endures forever!  His compassions never cease!

O Lord, as beloved children, our aim is to please you.  Transform our homes, dear Father, with Your truth, as You transform us into the image of your Son!

I pray, "That He would grant you,
according to the riches of His glory,

to be strengthened with power
through His Spirit in the inner man,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;

and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,

may be able to comprehend with all the saints

what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
and to know

the love of Christ

which surpasses knowledge,

that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God."

Ephesians 3:16-19

A Very Short Song

I was reading in Jeremiah.  God is explaining that His promises to His people can't be broken.  He calls creation to witness to His dependability and faithfulness, and points out the daily rise and set of the sun.  The things we count on being constant every moment, the things we depend upon every day, the things we never even question, are actually fully sustained by His power.  All the things we depend upon for our very existence are totally out of our control, but they are totally in His control.

"Thus says the LORD, who gives the sun for light by day, and the fixed order of the moon and the stars for light by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar; the Lord of hosts is His name:
'If this fixed order departs from before me,' declares the LORD, 'then the offspring of Israel also shall cease from being a nation before Me forever.'"  Jeremiah 31:35-36

And from Jeremiah 33:20-21, "Thus says the LORD, 'If you can break My covenant for the day, and my covenant for the night, so that day and night will not be at their appointed time, then My covenant may also be broken with David my servant that he shall not have a son to reign on his throne. . .'"

We could no more stop His promises than we could keep the sun from rising!

And that's when the very short song came to me.

I wondered at what could be the use of such a very short song.  That is until I remembered how, when I was a girl, we used to have one of those very short songs at the start of our worship service each Sunday.  Do you know what we called it?  A 'Call to Worship'.

And here my heart smiled, and I had to say aloud, "Of course--how very appropriate a name!"

Here are the words.

Did the sun set last night?
Did it rise this morning from its place?
Okay, then, His promises stand.
I rest my case.

Dear friends, the next time you are tempted to be discouraged, call this to mind.  Ask yourself those very questions, and join me on my knees in worship.  He is so faithful!

"The LORD is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him." Psalm 28:7

"Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed."  Romans 10:11

Mama Bear Speaks Up: What's Wrong With "Contemplative Prayer"

Mama bears.  Describe their commitment to their cubs’ welfare as extreme devotion, and it would likely still be an understatement.  So when I tell you that the mama bear in me is rising up, this is serious.

And it is no time for silence.

Last week, my children were asked—in a setting we trusted—to participate in a pagan/New Age meditation practice.  Alarm sirens went off in each of our three children’s hearts because we have taught and warned them extensively about this, but what if they hadn’t known how to identify this apostate deception?

Our children were not the only children present, and I fear not all of those present were aware of the trap that was being set for them. Sadly, many of their parents likely do not know how to warn them.

Because it is imperative that we—and our children—know the truth and can discern truth from error, I write today with urgency.  Foremost to this context is an understanding of what Biblical meditation is.   Without a solid understanding of truth, we are incapable of recognizing blatant lies, let alone crafty and subtle error.

The Word ‘meditate’ is used multiple places in Scripture, especially in Psalm 1, 63, 77, 143, and 145.  The meaning of the Hebrew word translated ‘meditate’ in English is very telling.  It means to ponder and think carefully, to consider, to muse, and to remember.  It even includes the idea of an audible conversation with one’s self that involves a mind fully occupied with rational, conscious thoughts. According to Scripture, these rational, conscious thoughts are about definite content, specifically about the Lord Himself—His character, nature, and attributes, His Word, His precepts, His statutes, His wonderful works, His wonders, His law, His majesty, and His testimony.  In the context of Scripture, the goals and outcome of Biblical meditation are also clear, including understanding and insight that result in obedience to God.

In summary, Biblical meditation is practiced with an active mind, fully engaged in rational, conscious thought, carefully considering God’s nature, works, and revealed Word, with the ultimate goal of obedience to God.  This definition of Biblical meditation, by the way, is not some mysterious, confusing, or contested interpretation, but is derived from explicit Scripture verses and a standard Hebrew dictionary.

Unfortunately, what is so clearly specified in Scripture is being ignored by a growing number of people who are promoting pagan forms of meditation within ‘Christian’ contexts.  The pagan meditation goes by various inventive names, including, but not limited to, ‘contemplative prayer’, ‘centering prayer’, ‘breath prayer’, ‘the silence‘, listening to the silence’, 'listening prayer', and ‘being still before God’.    Though bearing new names, they are all essentially whitewashed transcendental meditation as practiced by Buddhists, New Agers, and other self-proclaimed mystics practicing nearly every religion on the planet.

Let me explain.  While there are minor variations, I found essentially the same technique described by thinly veiled Hindu transcendental meditation experts who claim to not be religious at all, by people who claim to be Christian, by Jewish Rabbis, Buddhists, and even Muslims.  Three basic steps of this kind of meditation are essentially the following:  (I will use the supposedly Christian version of the instructions.)

1.      Don’t think about God.  Aim to avoid any particular rational thought.

2.      Choose a ‘sacred word’ to repeat over and over for twenty minutes or so until the word becomes meaningless.       Examples given of words to use include ‘Jesus’ and ‘Abba’.  The alternative to repeating a word is to focus or concentrate on one’s breathing.

3.      When conscious thoughts break in, simply return to the sacred word or to a focus on one’s breathing.

The result of this kind of meditation is sometimes described as a kind of altered state of consciousness (though some deny this aspect and say they simply experience a calm or 'oneness' with God or with the natural world around them), a sort of inward, mystical, emotional high, described by some practitioners as “ecstasy”, that may involve, at times, tingling, bright lights, a feeling of weightlessness, a feeling of energy flowing through one’s body, or voices audible only to the practitioner.

Make no mistake!  This so-called ‘contemplative prayer’, which is actually pagan meditation, is nothing like Biblical prayer or Biblical meditation!  Step one above is clearly contradicted by Jesus’ instruction to His disciples when they asked Him how to pray in Luke 11.  As recorded in Matthew 6, the first words of His example prayer focus specifically on God, “Our Father, who art in heaven. . .”   Step two above is also clearly contradicted by the words of Jesus to “avoid meaningless repetition” in prayer.  (Matthew 6:7)

The contrast could not be more obvious.  This pagan form of meditation, which is being increasingly advanced in ‘Christian’ circles, is not focused on God, while Biblical meditation is entirely focused on God and His Word.  Pagan meditation is void of meaningful content and void of rational thought, while Biblical meditation is content-rich, rational thought.   Pagan meditation emphasizes silence and listening, while Biblical meditation is a more like a conversation that can even be spoken aloud.  Pagan meditation emphasizes union with one’s ‘divine self’, ‘higher self’, 'true self' or the 'unified field' (entirety of all matter), while Biblically informed meditation recognizes a very great difference between our nature and God’s—only He is God.  Pagan meditation’s goal is an altered state of consciousness according to some, and to others it is for 'entering into the ordinary', discovering their 'true selves' as they 'experience the presence' and renounce thoughts, while Biblical meditation leads to fully informed conscious obedience to God.

No matter what you name it, a pagan practice is still a pagan practice all the same, and one does not encounter God using pagan practices.  These insidious practices are neither prayer nor meditation by any Biblical standard.

Deuteronomy 18:9 makes it plain that God’s people are not to imitate the detestable things unbelievers practice.  I Timothy 4:1 warns, “The Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons . . .”  Tellingly, people who advocate pagan meditation, but call it Christian meditation, openly proclaim that their form of meditation can open up common ground among all faiths.  They say it will deepen your faith, no matter what your religion.  Hmmm, now how could that be. . .

Make no mistake—this is war!  We must be armed with a knowledge of the truth and be on guard against lies, so that we—and our children—may, as Jude 3 says, “earnestly contend for the faith”!

News Flash: Read Carol At The IAHE Blog, Too

The Indiana Association of Home Educators (IAHE) has their new blog up and running, designed to equip and to serve.  I have been invited to be a contributor, and I hope you will be inspired when you read what I'm writing there, too.  I'll still be writing here at Unsmotherable Delight, but I thought you might like to know where else I'm writing.

As always, my aim is to uplift and encourage you to trust in our mighty God in whatever endeavor He has called you to, whether homeschooling or another passion of His heart.  So even if you're not homeschooling, I believe you'll be blessed by what you read at the IAHE's new blog, too.

I called today's post Jehovah's Morning Manna.

Here's a sampling. . .

O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! Psalm 34:8

“Daddy, what is it?”  That’s what the Israelites’ children must have been asking when they first saw manna—the tiny flake-like bread that appeared with the dew. They named it manna, meaning literally, “What is it?”  (See Exodus 16)

Can you just imagine the other questions they must have been asking?  How does God know where we are?  How does He know how much we need?  Why is it always just the right amount?  Why must we gather it every morning?

God’s people were in the wilderness, and they were hungry.  The Lord saw their need, and sent this mystery bread from heaven to feed each one of them.  They discovered it tasted like wafers with honey, and they found it there for them every single morning until the day after they first ate the produce of the Promised Land.  (See Joshua 5:12)  The only exception was Sabbaths, when they had tasty leftovers—which, too, was a miracle in itself.

Think of such a provision!  Wouldn’t it be great—to know the Lord would provide each day exactly what you need?!

Actually, He can, He will, and He does.  Okay, it’s not necessarily outside on your front lawn, and you can’t usually cook it in a pot, but He does.

To read the rest, you can follow this link.

So What? Part Three: Spent and Expended

I've noticed something.  When I'm struggling hard to accomplish something, there's a part of me that really longs for the job to be easier.  I tend to push back and fight against something that seems so very hard--that is, until someone tells me it's normal for it to be that exhausting, to have to work so hard at it.  And then, it's as if a great deal of the weight is somehow lifted, though it really is just as heavy as it ever was.  Somehow, just knowing it's okay to pour everything I have into something makes it easier to do.

Our culture tends to encourage us to look for the easiest way around, or out of, any challenge.  You know, "You deserve a break."  Yet we know in our hearts that anything truly worth doing will take a tremendous investment.

Why is mothering so exhausting?  Why does discipling our children require so much effort?  Why does compassion have to require so much of us?

There's something about being spent for somebody else's welfare that brings a satisfaction unequal to any other.  And it's not just somebody off the street saying so.  Our dear Savior was willing to take the most costly route to our rescue.  "You were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold. . . but with precious blood, . . .the blood of Christ."  (I Peter 1:18-19)

Yes, my heart says, but He was God; He had the strength to do it. . .

But then I look further into the testimonies of the saints, and I see what God did through an ordinary man who visited Thessalonica.  "We proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children.  Having thus a fond affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives because you had become very dear to us."  (I Thessalonians 2:7-8)

And when he was worried that they might have fallen prey to temptation, the good news of their faith and love was his comfort, as he says, "Now we really live, if you stand firm in the Lord."  (I Thessalonians 3:8)  He didn't have adequate words to thank God enough for the joy he experienced on their account, they whom he described as his glory, hope, joy and crown of exultation.  Really living, for him, was all about their success.

This life poured out on behalf of others was no drudgery, but he rejoiced to do it.  "Even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all."   And he called others to join in this life of being spent for others.  "And you, too, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me."  (Philippians 2:17-18)

This man, who sang in prison and who called others to rejoice, in letters he wrote from prison, found his joy in being poured out for others.  "I will most gladly spend and be expended for your souls. . ." (II Corinthians 12:15)  Wow!

As did his Lord before him.

". . . Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you may not grow weary and lose heart."  (Hebrews 12:2-3)

We start with opening our eyes, and then our hearts, to the needs around us.  Then, and only then, is the overwhelming and paradoxical joy of being spent and expended for someone else even a possibility.

If we never knew hunger or thirst, we'd never know the joy of having it satisfied.  If we were never cold, we'd never know the comfort of warmth.  If we never were sad, we'd never understand the soaring heights of joy.  And if we never let ourselves be expended for someone else's need, we'd never know the incomparable joy of being a part of meeting that need as the hands and feet of Jesus.

So I've stopped asking why it has to be hard.  I've stopped fighting against being poured out.  I'm resting in the truths I've found in His Word.  It's okay, even right, to spend and be expended for somebody else's soul.  It's what we were made for.

But that's not all.  It gets way better than that!

Even more refreshing to my soul is this:  No matter how much we are poured out, we can't ever be run dry.  Why?  Because it isn't our strength, our love, or our anything, after all.  It's His.

His life is indestructible.  (Hebrews 7:16)

His compassions are new every morning.  (Lamentations 3:23)

His lovingkindness is everlasting.  (Psalm 118:1)

He never becomes weary or tired.  (Isaiah 40:28)

As we are spent, He fills us up.  When we are weak, His power is strong in us.  (See II Corinthians 12:7-10)  There's no exhausting our supply, because His inexhaustible supply is what He pours right through us!  "Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, they will pour into your lap.  For by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you in return."  (Luke 6:38)

It's not up to us to drum all this up.  It is the Lord who will cause us to increase and abound--as in "to be alive with, abundant, and overflow"--in love.  (See I Thessalonians 3:12)

Oh, let's not hold back from seeing, feeling or giving! And then--let's look forward to not being able to hold back the joy!

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you may know. . . what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. . . . Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever.  Amen."  (Ephesians 1:18-19; 3:20-21)

So What? Part Two: Emotionally Entangled

I've tried to wrap my mind around it every which way, but I can't come up with a way to have compassion without emotional entanglement.  Compassion literally means to 'suffer with' someone.  If you take emotion out of it, you can't feel anything with anyone at all.  It just can't be done.

Things would be so much easier if compassion were only an option, just a preference for those naturally bent that way--but it's not.  "So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion. . ." (Colossians 3:12)  Compassion is to be our way of life, not optional equipment.

The second half of compassion is the desire to do something to alleviate the suffering you first feel with someone, but most of us rarely go that far.  It only stands to reason that the second half should follow naturally if we truly suffered with someone, so I'm beginning to wonder if the reason we often don't express the second part of compassion is that we haven't let ourselves do the first half.  We don't want to know, and we don't allow ourselves to be informed, so we won't make that emotional connection.  Maybe we're afraid to cry.  Maybe we're afraid of what it will cost us.

But the question really is, "What will my lack of emotional entanglement cost someone else?"

If, like Galatians 2:20 says, we no longer live, but Christ lives in us, then the compassionate heart of Jesus should be clearly evident in us.  Jesus wept with Lazarus' sisters and wept over Jerusalem, and He was moved with compassion to heal sick people (Matthew 14:14), to give sight to blind men (Matthew 20:34), to touch and cleanse a leper (Mark 1:41), to teach distressed and dispirited people (Matthew 9:36, Mark 6:34), to feed hungry people so they wouldn't faint on the way home (Matthew 15:32), and to resurrect a widow's son and give him back to his mama (Luke 7:12-15).  He let Himself feel with the people and be moved to act on their behalf.

I see in the example of Jesus that He means for us to get emotionally entangled; it's right to feel things so deeply that it moves us to tears and to action.  When questioned by the religious elite over His time spent with the needy and despised, He said, ". . . Go and learn what this means:  'I DESIRE COMPASSION, AND NOT SACRIFICE,' .  . ." (Matthew 9:13)

Breaking the cycle of apathy begins with opening our eyes, and it continues with opening our hearts.

Oh, Lord, let our hearts be broken over the things that break Your heart.

Please, Lord, make us feel what You feel, weep over what makes You weep, and move us to make a difference in Your name.

So What? Part One

"I used to think that cowardice was the worst

of human vices.

I've changed my mind; it's apathy!"

--Megan Carpenter

I think she's right.

The immediate context of her pronouncement was our conversation about orphans, but we had been wondering out loud together why, in general, so few people will actually do anything about situations that clearly need attention.

I think there is a cycle of reasons.  First, we avoid being confronted with needs.  If we do manage to be confronted with a need, we refuse to look into the faces of the need, so as to not get emotionally attached.  However, if, in spite of our best attempts to remain unentangled, we are stirred to do something, we pacify our urge to get involved by choosing the easiest and generally least costly way, so we can feel we've made a difference with relatively little inconvenience to ourselves.  Once we've convinced ourselves we've done our part, we return to our busy, self centered lives where we leave no room for further intrusion upon our priorities. Unfortunately, the cycle repeats itself again and again, whether the need is an orphan, the unborn, broken lives who don't know Jesus, or the sorry state of affairs in our nation.

Honestly, if we claim to follow Jesus, then this cycle is the greatest tragedy ever played out on the world's stage.  Tragedy:  a play dealing with tragic events and having an unhappy ending, especially one concerning the downfall of the main character (can we see ourselves or the church here?).  In contrast, I find a totally different picture of Jesus in Matthew 9:35, "And Jesus was going about all the cities and the villages, teaching in their synagogues, and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every kind of disease and every kind of sickness."  No avoidance of needs here.

Matthew 9:36, "And seeing the multitudes, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and downcast (harassed and helpless, says the NIV) like sheep without a shepherd."  Jesus was willing to look into their faces, and into their hearts, and let himself get emotionally entangled with them.  Compassion:  feeling and understanding someone else's suffering, combined with the desire to do something to alleviate it.

Jesus refused to choose the least costly way.  Philippians 2 says, "...although He [Jesus] existed in the form of God, He did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. . .He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."  "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends," He explained in John 15:13.  And, for our souls, He was willing to be spent in the most costly way, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done."  (Luke 22:42)

As His followers, we are called to more--more than contentedly enjoying ourselves while oblivious to needs all around us.  Jesus said the workers are few.  Paul said of Timothy, "I have no one else of kindred spirit who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare.  For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 2:20-21)  What an indictment!

So what are we going to DO about it?  Breaking the cycle begins with opening our eyes.  It's time to not look the other way; it's time to get on, not off, that newsletter list that places needs before our eyes; it's time to take the time out of our busy schedules to find out what's going on outside the safe walls of our homes.

Will you seek with me to see like Jesus sees?

Please, Lord, direct our eyes to see what You want us to see.

So Incredibly Alone

I should be in bed, but sleep won't come yet.  My heart is aching, but it's not for myself.  It's not even for anyone I'm related to.  The person on my heart doesn't even live in this country.

He lives in Ukraine, he's sixteen, and he is an orphan.  We met him when he was just ten when we were in Ukraine to adopt our daughter.  Over the years, he has watched so many of his orphan friends walk out of the orphanage forever with the families who adopted them.   And this dear young man has asked over and over why nobody came for him.  He gave his heart to Jesus a couple years ago and has been praying earnestly for a family every day, and praying, too, for the strength to handle it if God has a different plan.

More than any of the other children we left behind in Ukraine, this boy captured our hearts.  Such a cheerful boy, and we hear God's been shaping him into a leader other children look up to.  Over the years, God wouldn't let us forget him, and we, too, have been praying earnestly for a family for him.

After years of longing, the answer to his prayers was about to happen this fall.  Just before he turned sixteen, a family filed the necessary immigration papers so that, even though they couldn't come 'til after his sixteenth birthday--the cutoff age for being adopted by Americans--they could still adopt him.   A friend told us that, of all the children she's seen looking forward to being adopted, (and she's seen lots of them), he was the most excited of them all.

Tonight, however, we heard that the family, who had been in Ukraine intending to adopt him, had to leave him behind.  We don't know details yet; but, we have heard that Ukraine's government agency that handles adoptions had closed and nobody knew when it would open again.

This precious boy has no family to comfort him.  He has no earthly father to hold him and tell him that they will get through this together.  The one thing he ever wanted most on this earth was to have a family, and the only American family who can adopt him (because he is now over sixteen) went home without him.

I don't know about you, but I'm afraid I can't even begin to imagine the depth of disappointment he must be feeling right now.  Only Jesus knows how he feels--He knows what it's like to be forsaken, as He went through it for us on the cross.  This dear boy has no family to pray for him, so how about we be his family right now, and ask our Heavenly Father to pour out His comfort. . .

Oh, dear Father, please wrap Your arms of love around dear A.  In Ukraine, his Monday has already begun.  Be his strength.  Reassure him of Your love; don't let him begin to doubt You.  Help him to be able to focus on his school work and trust that You are still in control of his life.  Please be his provider and his refuge.  Help him to understand that You are not looking the other way.  Help him to trust Your heart even though he doesn't understand what You are doing just now.  In Jesus' name we ask these things.  Amen.

Parenting By Heart

Okay, I confess; I'm too often task-driven.  I find myself frustrated around those who are so wrapped up in their "to do" lists that they can't entangle themselves long enough to stop for a bit of conversation beyond the surface, yet I fear I subject my precious family to the same frustration at times, by my own behavior.

Yesterday, I read something that has made me pause to re-evalute, as I often need to do, my modus operandi.  Our adopted daughter, Vera, whom we adopted from an orphanage in Ukraine just before she turned fourteen, is working on a persuasive speech about adoption.  Yesterday afternoon, I read her first draft, and I would like to share a few lines with you.  Speaking of math class at the orphanage, ". . .When you don't get it, and everyone else is waiting for you to finish, the teachers scream at you that you are dumb and will never get it.  Can you imagine hearing that almost everyday for four years?  You start believing that they are right.  No one in the orphanage sat down with me to lovingly explain to me how to get it done. . . .I was wishing that I could belong to someone who would call me theirs and not be ashamed of who I was."

Wasn't there someone who would take the time to minister to her heart, to listen to her heart and to give, without reservation, the abiding reassurance, the safe refuge, the patient encouragement, and the tender love she so desperately needed?

She no longer lives at the orphanage.  She came home with us in 2006, to join a younger brother and sister.  We wanted to give what she needed, and we resolvedly rearranged our lives to attempt to supply it, yet real life can get awfully hectic, and in the hustle and bustle of life, I find I have to keep asking myself, "Am I still listening to their hearts?"  All three of their hearts have urgent and weighty needs every single day.  Every heart in every one of our homes does.

Do I really know what my children need most?  Am I tuned into their hearts enough to sense when they desperately need a tender encouraging word instead of a stern reminder from a task-oriented organizer?  Oh, Lord, forgive me!  Give me Your eyes to see their deepest needs.  Show me how to minister to their hearts as You would.  Love them Your way through me!

Slow me down, sit me down, with a smile, and not a frown, that I would love with no reserve and no regrets.


"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it."  ~Proverbs 3:27

A Musical Tool for Scripture Memory

You know how a song will get stuck in your head?  If it's a good song, that's a good thing.  If scripture comprises the lyrics, it's a great thing!  Lately, our church family has been selecting a scripture passage to memorize together each month.  For October, the passage was Psalm 63:1-8.  Our family had been blessed by someone else's tunes (The NIV Kid's Club) for learning a passage from Colossians 3 the previous month, and we found ourselves yearning for a song for Psalm 63.  Well. . .

Our God, who can do infinitely beyond what we ask, gave me a song.  After reading through Psalm 63 several times, I set my open Bible on the piano music stand, sat down at the keyboard, and He gave the song.

And so I share it with you, in case you're like us and you find it easier to memorize Scripture when it's attached to music.  The words, in English, aren't perfect poetry as our usual hymns are, but they fit quite well anyway.  I did repeat a couple lines to make the music come out right.  The words in brackets are the lines I repeated.  Otherwise, the words are all in order.  The verses are from the NASB.

I pray that it will be a blessing to you, as you seek to hide God's Word in your hearts.

Psalm 63:1-8

(NASB)

Music Unpublished © 2011 Carol Carpenter

O GOD, You are my God;

I shall seek You earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You,

My flesh yearns for You,

In a dry and weary land where there's no water.

Thus I have beheld You

In the sanctuary,

To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,

my lips will praise You.

So I will bless You

As long as I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name.

My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,

And my mouth offers

praises with joyful lips.

[As long as I live,

I will lift up my hands in Your name.]

When I remember You on my bed,

 I meditate on You in the night watches,

for You have been my help,

 And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

My soul clings to You;

Your right hand upholds me.

[In the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.]

Blameless and Barren

I am concerned and grieved over an attitude reverberating through parts of the home school community that has the potential to be very emotionally and spiritually harmful, especially since it is not Biblical.  Here it is:  the more spiritual you are, the more you trust God, and the more you "do 'Biblical femininity' right", the more ‘blessings from God (i.e. children)’ you will have.  Well, maybe nobody actually states that idea as blatantly or explicitly as I just did, but it does get voiced subtly, is often alluded to, and it ends up making precious people feel like second class Christians/parents, on whom God has not dispensed His favor, if they don't have lots of children.

Trusting God with everything is the right thing to do, but the number of children in a family is not a manifestation of how godly the parents are or how much they trust Him!  There is so much more than number of children that factors into God's plans.  I invite you to consider Zacharias and Elizabeth, who had no children for a very long time, even though they were righteous and walking blamelessly.  It wasn't about the number of children, but about God's perfect timing and the fulfillment of God's centuries previous prophecy concerning John, forerunner of the promised Messiah.

The parents of John the Baptist were righteous and walking blamelessly we are told in Luke 1, but barren and old.  That’s right—righteous, but old and still barren.  (Luke 1:6-7)  Right at the beginning, God sets out to make it clear that number of children doesn’t correlate to spiritual maturity.  He’s God, and He chooses to work differently with each of us.  His plans are executed on His timetable.  His plans are executed for His purposes.  However much we may pretend we are, or however much we would like to be, we are not the one in charge.

In John’s case, first of all, the older his parents were, the more miraculous the birth of this child would be.  You know how people will talk about these things; and he turned out to be one very talked about baby.  Combine the parents’ age with the prophecy and with Zacharias’ voice loss and miraculous recovery and you see that God engineered a situation that put everyone in anticipation of what He would do next with this child.  Check out Luke 1:57-66.

Second, we know, looking back, that John had to be a contemporary of the Messiah, so if John had come any sooner, the timing would have been all off.  God knows what He’s doing.  What a relief, and what a good thing it is, that we are not the one in charge!

Have you ever puzzled about the timing or circumstances of your own birth or of someone’s in your family?  Have you ever thought about the possibility that you or your child may have been born at just the right time to make one of you a contemporary of a certain someone else in order to fulfill God’s plan?  Centuries ago, Esther’s uncle challenged her to consider, “And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?”  (Esther 4:15)

Sadly, for some, 'trusting God' has produced  more guilt and stress, not less, as they worry that their number of children means they have somehow failed to live up to some man-made formula for a man-made definition of God's blessing.  Yes, children are a blessing, but children are not the only way God blesses.  It’s too easy for us to slip into worry and second-guessing when we see only from our limited perspective.  Meanwhile, God sees each of our lives from the perspective of His eternal perfect plans, where each life intersects with the others by design and in just the right rhythm.  His executive planner extends all the way to eternity.  Our calendar may only go to December 2011, or perhaps 2012, but He can see—and has planned for—forever.

Don't be tempted to buy the discouraging lie that the most godly will always have the most children.  It just isn't so, and Zacharias and Elizabeth are proof of it.  Abraham and Sarah are proof.  I repeat:  there is so much more than number of children that factors into God's plans.  A delay could be essential to His precise planning.  One or more of your children may need some special level of time-intensive care or discipleship that He desires you to give in a less crowded setting.  He knows your unique needs, the unique needs of each one in your family, and the unique needs of each one to whom you are called to minister.  Some of the circumstances of your life may not be about you at all, but about someone else whose life will be transformed because of the way He ordered your particular circumstances.

Trusting Him means we choose to be content in Him, period.  We do not compare our lives to someone else’s and expect that God will do the same with us.  We are not to make our own assumptions about what God will or won’t do for us when we submit to Him.  Our calling is to seek Him alone, and, in His wisdom, He may grant us children.  But if we seek children ahead of seeking Christ, we're on the wrong train.  And even if he doesn't grant children, He loves us no less.

In God's plan, we have two biological children.  Pregnancy did not come easily.  Our third and oldest child is actually our newest; we did the unthinkable, from the world’s perspective that is, and, at God’s direction, adopted a teenager who was older than our biological children.  It’s possible that, had we had more biological children, we’d not have been open to adoption when she was in need.  It's also possible that we could not have ministered to her needs, had our family been any bigger.  God knew that a dear, lonely girl needed us and that we needed her, in His way and in His time.

Family design is ultimately not a function of our spirituality but of His sovereignty.  When we forget that, we can become proud and unwittingly wound others for whom Christ died.

The older our children get, and the bigger and more complicated the life decisions become, the more I find myself needing to rest increasingly in His wisdom and sovereignty, seeking His direction at every turn.  With every turn of the pages of His Word, I see anew that He is worthy of our trust—both for the circumstances of our own lives and for the lives of the children we have, don’t have yet, or may never have.

He’s still God and He’s still good. He has perfect plans and the perfect power to fulfill them.  Oh, that we would be content in His arms.